Semantic Nonsesne: An ill wind this e’en

I’ve always been at odds with the giant bags of mixed candy that come out each Halloween.

The worst of it, of course, is the habit candy manufacturers have of putting at least one awful candy in each mix that the trick-or-treaters refuse to take, leaving you with a pile of Heath bars to deal with the day after.

But this year things have been different every step of the way. And not just because Christmas items started muscling out Halloween stock before it was even October. Let’s take things step by step.

Somehow, I avoided the dud phenomenon — and indeed, mixed bags of candy entirely — when I noticed that the mixed bags increased in price more than the somewhat less large bags containing a single type of candy. While this shift in the unit price advantage is no bond yield curve inversion, it does leave me wondering how the economics came to it.

But more strangeness was afoot. All throughout October, neighbors were slow to put up any Halloween decorations, not even so much as a pumpkin. This trend continued to All Hallows’ Eve, when more than half the street kept their lights so out it’s as though they somehow managed to generate darkness.

And it wasn’t due to a trunk or treat; costumed children were still going door to door. And Jesus’s Ween hadn’t taken hold in my neck of the woods, either.

Was it those aforementioned economics? I know everyone has been feeling the pinch on all sorts of basic necessities this year. I’ve seen cartons of milk go for $6.49. Shopping has been nuttier than a Baby Ruth this year with no signs of changing. In that light, I suppose Halloween would fall on the household budgets chopping block so other holidays wouldn’t have to. I’m already hearing you’re going to need to practically pre-order a turkey this year after the avian flu lead to millions of gobblers being culled.

While I did have a more-or-less consistent stream of children from 6 p.m. to 9:30 p.m., it was still nothing compared to the parades I had pre-COVID. Which is odd, seeing as the people in my state have made it abundantly clear they never gave a rat’s ass about the pandemic. Or perhaps their carless bravado doesn’t extend to their children.

So unlike times past, where I would have a pile of dregs as leftovers, All Saints’ Day found me with an ample supply of quality candies. And it wasn’t just me, either…

The past several years, I’ve noticed two unfortunate trends with big box retailers and seasonal candy: It seems they were getting sick of taking a bath on it from the time-honored traditions of stocking too much and selling it for half-off the day after. At first, I noticed some places only marking it down 30%. Then, stores started fine-tuning their orders so they’d have only a limited supply of leftovers. It even got to the point where the stores were willing to tolerate just plain running out a couple of days ahead of schedule.

So imagine my surprise when I went to Wally World after work to pick up some leaf bags, and saw they they were still well-stocked with all sorts of Halloween candy. The workers there must have been surprised, too, as nobody had yet marked them down. I’m taking this as a sign that not just my neighbors were cutting back, but the entire town.

I’m sure some dentist out there is very happy with all this, but I fear this bodes ill for more than just kids who wanted a nice Halloween and a little sugar.