10 predictions for 2023

1. Tesla will become the first company to have a current market cap $1 Trillion lower than its peak cap.

Tesla stock came very close to dropping below $100 a share in December after a nearly year-long freefall. It bounced back a (very) little before crossing that threshold, but it’s still at a 70% loss over the course of 2022. Tesla’s market cap reached its all-time high back on November 5, 2021, at $1.23 trillion. Today, it’s just over $386 billion. Assuming I did the math right, the stock will have to drop past $100 a share to $73 for its market cap to drop below $230 billion.

2. No console will see a major hardware revision.

To be specific, I’m not talking about something like the miniscule tweaks to its guts the PS5 has already seen, or even something on the level of the OLED Switch. This is akin to the “slim” and “pro” PS4 systems.

3. Sony isn’t done buying anime-related businesses to feed to Crunchyroll.

I don’t know what’s coming next, but Right Stuf won’t last long as the most recent acquisition.

4. Atlus won’t announce Persona 6.

They seem pretty satisfied with what they did for the series in 2022, so they’ll be kicking back another year before getting serious.

5. Microsoft and Activision will remain separate companies.

Whether this is due to still being stuck in litigation through all of 2023 or the merger failing completely, it won’t be happening this year.

6. The Boston Bruins will win the President’s trophy, but not the Stanley Cup.

Just try to make me wrong. I dare you.

7. We’ll know where to send the first colony ship… when we can build one.

Clever use of the James Webb Telescope and other acts of bleeding-edge wizardry will be capable of generating enough information about known exoplanets to determine with high confidence if they can support human life. And they’ll find at least one that does.

8. Flashpoint will make it to theaters.

They had every excuse to spike this movie and haven’t. Now there’s no longer the added benefit of getting a tax break for killing it, there’s surely no turning back now. This movie is the living embodiment of the sunk-cost fallacy and I hope it bombs.

9. The Simpsons will get canceled

We’ll see if I waited long enough to toss this one in.

10. Geoff will start streaming on our Twitch channel.

It would have been mean to predict the opposite, and I’m not about friendly fire.