Apple Arcade: Solitare Stories, Zen Pinball, Tetris Beat

Solitare Stories

Oh, man. I love myself some Solitaire. Do you know how much I do? The primary function of a $600 smartphone (my first, well after everyone else had joined the party) was to replace a 99-cent deck of cards.

So bear that in mind when I tell you that this game sucks.

Imagine, if you will, any slow-drip story-based puzzle game on your phone. Now imagine every puzzle is a set deal of Solitaire. Now imagine the story is so painfully droll you can’t forget it’s nothing more than blatant filler. Which is bad; in these games the story is supposed to hook you when “just one more game” fails.

As far as gameplay goes, it’s one-draw Klondike. If there are any variations, they are much further on in the game than I could be bothered to play. Damn thing’s a cure for insomnia.

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Zen Pinball Party

Do you like pinball? Do you want to play it at home, but don’t have several thousand bucks to throw down on a table?

(If you DO have several thousand bucks to throw down on a table, might I suggest the upcoming auction of the Museum of PInball’s collection, to be held online the next two Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays?)

Zen Pinball is back again, as seen on Steam and various consoles. Out of the gate, it comes pre-loaded with recreations of four classic Williams tables (Stern gets snubbed in this release), four original tables by Zen that might not be possible to make in real life, and four licensed games featuring Dreamworks animated properties and also My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

But 11 of the tables really don’t matter. All you need to know is that Williams’ Medieval Madness is included. (But as I already threw down $15 for Zen Pinball 3 on my PS4, this will not be the reason to keep Apple Arcade

Zen Pinball Party has reasonably robust controls, though the limitations of the medium mean some table’s skill shots are difficult to pull off. The game has optional effects for each table, like video-game-like score pop-ups and pieces of the table animating in CG-like ways. You can also adjust lighting settings and the camera angle you view the tables from.

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Tetris Beat

An Apple Arcade exclusive (so was Solitare Stories, but who cares), Tetris Beat is what happens when Tetris decides to steal about 5% of Lumines.

While you can still play classic style, the new things Tetris Beat brings to the table is Drop and Tap modes, in which the named actions are done to the beat of dance music. The dance music itself is selected in a DDR-like menu system, with the song you choose setting both the rate of the beat and the time limit.

Though therein lies the rub; once you get in the groove of things (so to speak), it’s always over far too soon. What this game desperately needs (apart from a larger soundtrack) is an endless mode, transitioning from song to song to song.