An Epic Rap Battle Retrospective, Part 7 (Day One)

 

I wonder if Peter and Lloyd were getting tired of Hitler vs. Vader.  I know the idea was getting tired even when the third battle was released.  The second one was disappointingly short and although Vader came on stronger in the third battle, it seemed even he was getting tired of it because after tearing Hitler a new one, Vader ducked out and had Boba Fett finish for him.  Bisecting Hitler seemed like a good way to end them once and for all and yet I bet people were still asking for a fourth one.  It’s like they were so starved for good ideas they wanted to keep treading the same ground over and over.  I could probably come up with some good ideas for rap battles if I put my mind to it for five minutes.

So when the fourth season was imminent, a trailer was released with Hitler waking up somewhere, noticing he’s half the man he used to be, and realizing…

“I can fly!”

Then he got busted.  As if getting frozen in carbonite, dropped into the Rancor Pit and sliced in half wasn’t enough, he got put into a proton pack and presumably that’s the end of Hitler forever.  Although considering that Force ghosts are a thing, I wonder if it’s possible for Vader to be busted into the same device so that the two will forever be rap battling.

Then again, Force ghosts don’t appear to the public in general, as far as I know, so the Ghostbusters might not be able to bust any of the ghosts in the Star Wars universe.  Not that they would want to, since Force ghosts are there to help guide living Jedi and they would be actively harming the Jedi by busting their ghosts.

Anyway.

 

 

Ghostbusters vs. Mythbusters

Best line: “Good thing you work in a firehouse!”  “Cause you just got burned.”  “You are poor scientists.”  “And that’s confirmed.”
Runner up: “It’s a rap test, dummy.”  “And you’re both getting crashed.”  “We came, we saw, we kicked your ass.”
Curse watch: The Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man is destroyed at the end of Ghostbusters, shielding all other participants in this battle from the ERB Curse.  Thus, Grant Imahara’s passing in 2020 is not curse related.  Egon Spengler may or may not be alive in the Ghostbusters franchise, depending on what the cast and crew decide to do in the upcoming Ghostbusters: Afterlife.

Above and beyond what has come before in the Epic Rap Battles of History, this battle features ten participants.  I don’t think there have been any battles since this one which has had quite this many characters.  This is about as epic as they get.

At first, it seems unbalanced since the Ghostbusters are a team of four and the Mythbusters are a team of two, but then the Mythbusters bring the Build Team in to help, making it a four vs. five battle.  Tory, unfortunately, can’t think of a rhyme (and Kari’s is a bit lazy, to be honest), so the first thing that comes to mind is apparently the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man, who turns the battle into a four vs. five vs. one.

And let me say, I love how the Ghostbusters are shaking their heads frantically when Tory’s told to say the first thing that comes to mind.  In a world where Gozer could potentially crash the battle, just letting yourself think of whatever you want can be dangerous.

Also, I love how the music used reflects each side.  This is something that would happen more and more in the series.  The Mythbusters’ backing music takes obvious inspiration from their own theme song, of course, and the Ghostbusters’ backing music takes obvious inspiration from the Huey Lewis and the News song “I Want a New Drug“.

I am, of course, kidding about that.  I couldn’t resist, though.

 

Romeo and Juliet vs. Bonnie and Clyde

Best line: “Are those the drapes or your clothes, bro?”
Runner up: “Do you quarrel sir?  Ho, shall I draw my long sword?  Or will your duck your chicken shit ass back into your Ford?”
Where’s Romeo?: “Oh Nomeo!”
Uh: “…wh-who won?  Who’s next?”
Curse watch: A rap battle between two famous couples who tragically bought the farm means the Curse doesn’t even have to put in any work at all.

I think the funniest bit about this rap battle is that Romeo and Juliet get too caught up in re-enacting their own deaths to properly finish the battle and end up dead on the ground, stunning Bonnie and Clyde and perhaps distracting them from the fact that they’re about to get gunned down.  Then the announcer is stunned and doesn’t know what to say.  I think this is the first time when the answer to the question “Who won?” is that probably no one does.

There’s always new ground to cover in the Epic Rap Battles of History, and Peter and Lloyd aren’t afraid to experiment.  Sometimes it works and when it does, it works really well, like in this battle.

 

Zeus vs. Thor

Best line: So many lines in this battle are very strong.  This is a very evenly matched battle with probably the best writing in the entirety of season four.
Curse watch: Does it count as fulfilling the curse if neither is dead yet but Thor’s death is already established as happening in a specific manner during a specific time in the future with no way to prevent it?

Lego is fun, isn’t it?  In recent years, it’s become quite the franchise, spanning video games, movies, Netflix shows, and so on.

Lego animation is basically stop-motion animation using Lego bricks as its physical medium, although most official Lego media uses CG animation to replicate the style.  Presumably it’s easier to work with, since CG animation is much more established at this point and it probably would’ve taken a lot more work to develop physical Lego animation for The Lego Movie.

This rap battle shows just how much potential Lego stop-motion has, and maybe if the medium is developed over the next decade or two, there may be actual films in the Lego franchise that are animated entirely with Lego.  Or maybe just one, and then the rest revert to CG because it’s a lot easier to work with a medium that has developed a lot more and which they wouldn’t have to design new characters from scratch and actually mold them whenever they want to introduce someone new that they don’t happen to have a Lego already made for.

 

Jack the Ripper vs. Hannibal Lecter

Best line: And just like the previous battle, this one has too many good lines to focus on just a couple!  Honestly, I think season four is probably the best overall season of the Epic Rap Battles of History
Curse watch: Jack the Ripper is presumed dead, since a) he was never caught and b) humans just don’t live this long.  Hannibal Lecter is probably protected from the ERB Curse.

I’ve made no secret of the Rap Battles that I despise, but there are battles that I find to be absolutely amazing.  This one is one of my all-time favourites, and it puts the two most notorious serial killers in history together, one real and one fictional.  Hannibal Lecter also says something in his first verse that, when I first heard it back in 2014, made me think of some of the other past rappers and how much time they devoted to themselves versus how much they devoted to actually attacking their opponents.  This is also when I first started realizing just how crappy the Russian Five-Way actually was.

Hannibal makes the claim that Jack’s entire first verse is focused on himself and sure enough, listening to it, Jack does indeed focuses on how awesome a serial killer he is for its entirety.  And looking back into past raps, one that stands out to me is when Pablo Picasso spends about half of his second verse introducing himself by name.  According to Wikipedia, his birth certificate gives his very lengthy full name as Pablo Diego José Francisco de Paula Juan Nepomuceno Crispín Crispiniano María Remedios de la Santísima Trinidad Ruiz Picasso and he calls himself Pablo Diego José Francisco de Paula Juan Nepomuceno María de los Remedios Cipriano de la Santísima Trinidad Ruiz y Picasso in the battle.  Picasso finishes this off with “Back to you, Bob.”  It’s a pretty long way of saying “Mine’s bigger.”  In other words, Picasso is saying, “Your name is Bob, so that means you have a small penis!”

It’s interesting that, in this battle, Hannibal is so sure that he’s going to win that he even coaches Jack regarding his verses.  “No, no, Jack.  You were doing fine before that ham-fisted attempt at a terrorist line.”  In fact, Hannibal Lecter pretty much rules this entire battle.  Jack is clearly in over his head here, even though he does try.

 

Oprah vs. Ellen

Best line: “I’m the best emcee and the biggest star and I’ll bite you in the ass like the tax on a free car!”
Runner up: “Hey God?  It’s me, Ellen.  Can I ask you a question?  How do I tell my friend Oprah, she’s gonna get more whipped than Stedman?”
Aged like milk: “I like cute things that make people smile, make everybody feel good for a while.”
Curse watch: All participants in this battle were alive at the time of release (December 8, 2014) and all are still alive at the time of writing (March 15, 2021… hey, that’s literally the ides of March!  Hang on, maybe I should check the news before I post this.  …nope, they’re all still alive).

I first observed the Curse years ago when I realized there was always a historical figure or a fictional character who came back from the dead in order to participate in a rap battle, and whenever everyone who participated was alive, one or more of them would die shortly after.  The only exception had been the battle between Sarah Palin and Lady Gaga, both of which are still alive ten years later.

The season four battle between Oprah and Ellen is a battle with two participants who were alive in 2014 and who are still alive today.  It also features Dr. Phil for a brief line (he’s still alive today) and its closing line is delivered in part by Stedman Graham (he’s also still alive today).  The ERB Curse has thus far been presented as something that doesn’t wait around, although I’ve claimed John McCain as a victim due to the unvoiced cameo he makes in the Sarah Palin vs. Lady Gaga video and his passing happened seven years after.

As far as I can tell, both Oprah and Ellen are currently healthy, and so are Stedman and Dr. Phil.  The ERB Curse has, thus far, been rather loose in its definition, fitting whatever situation I’ve said it fits.  For example, when I talked about Batman vs. Sherlock Holmes, a deep dive into the lore of both proposed that the Curse operates on technicalities.  Superheroes and other characters in comic books don’t always stay dead (except in Spider-Man).  Up until now, it’s been fun to think about the ERB Curse and point out that very few participants in the battles are still alive today, but I think it’s probably about time it’s retired, since this battle – and let’s be honest, Sarah Palin vs. Lady Gaga as well – proves the Curse doesn’t actually exist.

So yeah, this is one wholly and completely busted myth.

 

Tomorrow: A comparison between the season finale of season two and the mid-season finale of season four…