Drew v. Food XI: Burgers with ketchup and ranch

Tangy Ketchup Doritos

As a staunch advocate of adding ketchup to fried potatoes, and as someone who has enjoyed a version of this product nearly 20 years ago in Canada, happening upon this while on a supply run made my day. Until I ate it.

Unlike the “traditional” ketchup Doritos, this one was made well after the brand’s pivot to everything must be spicy. As such, the tangy part has more to do with the heat than anything. And making it spicy, even if it’s not as hot as the straight-up spicy Doritos really doesn’t help the flavor along. It’s just not a good exemplar for ketchup chips.

There is also a Hot Mustard Doritos that allegedly came out at the same time, but I was not able to find any.

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White Castle Castle Bites

Have you ever been eating a White Castle slider and thought to yourself, “You know, this really needs to be in a Totino’s Pizza Roll” ? Neither have I. But here we are.

There are potential upsides to this idea. There’s probably more beef in one of these than on an entire slider, for example. Plus it would add a nice variety to a game-day snack if you were to make these and the Pizza Rolls together.

So I can see the use for this weird concoction well enough, but the proof of the pudding is always in the tasting and these… Well, they’re no pudding.

I’ve never before had a reason to describe blandness as a strong flavor, so at least I had a new experience. The flavor does indeed come on strong, but it is not an awful flavor, nor is it tasty. Is just very there. It’s meh in all caps and two exclamation points. The cheeseburger variant is slightly better tasting, but doesn’t push the needle far enough to bother having it over the sliders.

They also go through you in a similar manner to what is oft said of Taco Bell.

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Van Leeuwen’s Hidden Valley Ranch Ice Cream

Going 0 for 2 (or would that be 3?), it was time to swing for the fences. Really go all out to find an unlikely champion. Some would call this burying the lede. I would call them factually correct, but I did at least review the foods in the order I ate them.

In any case, missing out on reviewing Van Leeuwen’s mac-and-cheese ice cream is one of my blogging regrets, so I wasn’t about to let this potentially cursed meme food pass me by.

The first part of this experience was the smell. Before even opening the package, the all-too familiar scent of ranch dressing was present in full force. After opening the pint, the scent immediately developed a sour tinge to it. It was in this moment that I began to wonder if I had my regrets backwards.

And indeed, I would not be finishing this. While the flavor of the ranch rang true — if muted — it was almost buried under the elevated egg content that is the hallmark of French Ice Cream. Plus, any assumptions you have about ranch flavoring not pairing well with ice cream are very, very valid.