Semantic Nonsense: Least Wanted Game Collections
One day I was wandering around the Internet just minding my own business, not hurting anybody, when I was accosted by terrible information.
It turns out my mortal enemies at Limited Run Games are releasing a new classic games collection sure to be featured heavily in a future blind box: Bill and Ted’s Excellent Retro Collection. It includes their NES and Game Boy games, both of which were borderline unplayable and openly reviled. You know, just another day at LJN.
It’s really too bad, too. The past year had been riding rather high on reasonable to great retro game collections ranging from Wonder Boy to the TMNT Cowabunga Collection.
But then things started going downhill. Compromised collections began to emerge, with Sonic Origins having a pile of issues so large its developer disowned it, and Pac-Man Museum+ actually minus-ing both Ms. Pac-Man and Ms. Pac-Man.
The downward trajectory established, it was only a matter of time before we got into “Who wanted this!?” territory.
I say, let’s keep the bummers rolling in an attempt to scare would-be publishers of collections straight. Here is but a preview of what horrors might still await us.
Wayne’s World
If this collection were president, it would most decidedly not be Baberaham Lincoln.
Your parents couldn’t tell the difference between Bill and Ted and Wayne’s World when they weren’t a video game. They’d have an even harder time with games in hand. In truth the games are quite different, but kusoge all smells the same.
At least it’s apropos for Wayne’s World to introduce a list. Party time. Excellent.
Tiger Electronics
Okay, do you remember when Nintendo cranked out all those Game and Watch Gallery games for the Game Boy and DS? Now imagine every exciting TV show, movie and actual better video games being distilled into state-of-the-art 1980s technology.
Actually, you DON’T have to imagine it, because some magnificent bastards have reverse-engineered and emulated 75 of them at the Internet Archive. Beyond their power and tremble.
Ikari Warriors
These poor quality ports of games that were fun enough in the arcade in the mid-’80s weren’t up to spec when they first hit the NES, and age even more poorly compared to their retro contemporaries today. Though they somehow sold well enough to eventually get all three released, that only serves to allow for the creation of a bad collection.
The Simpsons
I can count on one finger (maybe two) the number of The Simpsons games that were actually good. And since we’re collecting only early console games akin to the Bill and Ted collection, neither one makes the cut. Which is a shame, because if there was a collection that included Simpsons: Hit and Run, that would be worth it being packed in with 1,000 copies of Hydilide.
The 16-bit era of cash-grab games approached (but did not reach) OK, but the NES and Game Boy outings were sloppy, difficult to control, very unstrightforward (curvyforward?) and just existed to inflict buyer’s remorse. I actually beat Bart vs. the World and regretted every moment of it.
Wisdom Tree
About The Author
Drew
Features Editor | Drew started behind the 8(bit)-ball in the video game world. He first became interested in anime by chance exposure on the Sci-Fi channel. Drew's the creative force behind blog-wide features, works the movie and food beats, and pioneered Damage Control’s entry into video, podcasts and streaming.
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Haha, the best part is when you were wandering around on the internet without hurting anybody!
But seriously, that is some funny retro gaming choices.
I know Geoff has written for example about how IP rules /laws / and rulings put at risk the preservation of games….
But sometimes I wonder if failure to preserve = Survival of the Fittest (do they all deserve to survive even bill and ted NES games????)
If Snatcher ends up on the English Sega Genesis Mini 2, I will be satisfied that Survival of the Fittest is working.