Semantic Nonsense: Snitches got the wrong Switches

Hardware refreshes for Nintendo systems has been a time-honored tradition skipped only by the Virtual Boy (for obvious reasons), the Wii U (also for obvious reasons), the Nintendo 64 and the Game Cube.

Some of these revisions, like with the NES, the SNES and the Game Boy Pocket, just miniaturize the technology. Others, like the Wii mini, the Nintendo 2DS and the Switch Lite, aimed to reduce costs by taking away functionality that not everyone used.

The rumor mill had been banking for almost two years on a more significant upgrade for the Nintendo Switch. Something along the lines of the Game Boy Color, DSi, New Nintendo 3DS… or more to the point, Xbox One X or PlayStation 4 Pro (please stop saying “Switch Pro” everybody; you all didn’t say “Xbox One Pro”).

What Nintendo delivered instead today was a Game Boy Advance SP or a 3DS XL; a refinement of the hardware with tweaked features, nothing more.

The long-rumored hardware refresh of the Nintendo Switch, officially titled “Nintendo Switch (OLED model)” , hits stores on October 8. And while that 7″ OLED screen (still just 720p) is the named new feature, it’s not the only change going on.

For $50 more than the regular Switch model, the new Switch features:

• That aforementioned 7″ OLED display
• Twice the internal storage (now a still rather small 64 GB)
• Better speakers for portable mode (though we don’t know how better)
• An ethernet port on the dock (currently a USB dongle sold for $30)…
• …but one fewer USB-A port in exchange
• A far sturdier kickstand
• 0.1 inches longer, which might break compatibility with some LABO kits
• A rather stylish new color option prominently featuring white

What has NOT changed, according to Nintnedo:

• Battery life
• CPU
• RAM

We still don’t know if the latest crop of Joy-cons will be less susceptible to Joy-con drift. We also don’t yet know if old and new docks can be used interchangeably [EDIT: They can.], but it would be completely insane for them not to be. But this is Nintendo, so we can never rule out completely insane.

Which is why we also can’t wave off the rumors of a much more capable revision of the Switch as mere speculation or even just make-believe. Remember, these came from heftier sources than, say, the rumors about Metroid Dread that we wouldn’t learn the truth of until 15 years later.

It’s entirely possible that a New Nintendo Switch was planned, but ultimately decided against, and we probably won’t learn more about it until the Switch gets a generational replacement. Frankly, Nintendo probably did make plans and explore options, and that activity rippled through industry insiders and the supply chain, eventually landing in the ears of journalists. The key difference is merely outcome; once Nintendo had gathered and considered the information, they decided not to produce. The actual movement on the OLED model lended validity to the rumors, even though it was missing a few key additions.

Still, it’s all too easy to think up explanations on what exactly lead to Nintendo voting no. You know, Nintendo, who axed a cash-cowLegend of Zelda Netflix show and a bevy of other side projects due to a leak. Nintendo, who is so adverse of doing loss-leading they refused to bundle a game with the Switch. It’s not hard to imagine a DLSS upscaling dock cut too much into the profit margin.

As for the revised Switch we’re actually getting, it’s not really a slam-dunk recommendation. The improvements mostly focus on improving the portable play experience, which makes the Switch Lite’s only use case its lower price. Anybody who plans to use a Switch as a console may as well save themselves the $50 and get the regular model. If you need more than 32GB of storage, you’re probably going to blow past 64GB too and have to buy an SD card anyway. And there’s little point in paying $50 just for a feature you can get for almost half the price unless you’re ardently anti-dongle.

In short, I’m not entirely certain who this tweaked Switch is for unless the long-term plan is for it to eventually supplant the original Switch.

The big takeaway, though, is that I have to adjust my pet theory as to why Breath of the Wild 2 isn’t being shown. Instead of being held back for a New Nintendo Switch reveal, the devs instead might be struggling to eke more performance out of the game with the same hardware that couldn’t run its predecessor at even 90% of the Switch’s native resolution all the time.