The Ads of Super Bowl LV

My Super Bowl commercial roundups have a consistency of style rivaled only by the offensive line of the Kansas City Chiefs. This time, we’re doing it Cheers and Jeers style. Just think of it as similar to Naughty and Nice if you’re unfamiliar with the format.

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I’m not the Spike TV Video Game Awards, so I don’t open with the best in show. But I’ve got nothing against rolling the runner-up.

Jimmy John’s first trip to the Super Bowl delivers a solid bit that shows Brad Garrett still has his Emmy-winning chops. The guy can embody a character even for a mere commercial.

It’s a simple idea pushed to — but not beyond — its limits, all over a sandwich.

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Meanwhile, Squarespace’s ad landed with a thud for me.

Ye auld American Dream is well and truly dead if the anthem of the working stiff is to enjoy a second job on their off hours. Though for some, the phrase working “5 to 9” doesn’t cover PM to AM. For those of us whose salaried jobs are seen as cost control will hear it as AM to PM with hardly the chance to write a blog before a midnight deadline, let alone sleep properly.

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This had the potential to be my top pick, but the actors’ timing needed to be a lot tighter to match Shaggy’s impeccability. Still good enough to be a cheer, but could have been better.

I mean, I didn’t even like the original song, but damn, this was a clever idea. And it carries forward the concept behind last years’ great Cheetos commercials.

It had been a while since I’d seen Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher, and I’m just floored at how slowly they’ve aged, even for celebrities.

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Another good idea, but much worse execution. UberEats tries to reference the second-best product placement joke in cinematic history and can’t even come close to landing it even with the original actors.

Tossing in Cardi B is a solid choice for the segment of the audience who has no idea what the hell Wayne’s World is, but they didn’t do a good job making her inclusion not come off as perfunctory.

It’s like people only do things because they get paid. And that’s just really sad.

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DoorDash, on the other hand, nails their callback.

We get more effort than the UberEats bit, expanding on the original material, and well justifies Daveed Diggs’ presence by that original material being a musical number.

…Though the new voice for Big Bird is just. Not. Right. But that’s what I get for being old.

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In case you haven’t heard, streaming service CBS All-Access is rebranding in March now that Paramount and Viacom kissed and made up after a long separation. While CBS is well known in the USA, nobody else in the world has heard of CBS so Paramount+ it is.

There were three of these spots, all of which have already been in wide circulation, so there’s already a strike against them. But the real reason I’m jeering the series is because they are very much so intended to be funny and, well, aren’t.

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Buying a car sight unseen is not a great plan, so I’m not sure I can endorce this product or service.

But I laughed, so it makes the list.

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I know a lot of people are stuck at home. Nevertheless, nobody is hurting this much for something to do.

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The only movie trailer I saw all Super Bowl, and it advertised itself as “only in theaters.”

Old may have beat Robin Hood’s ad for tone-deafness. But at least Robin Hood was the victim of poor timing by making the news a week before their spot ran. Universal knew well ahead of time that theaters aren’t very safe and viable right now.

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If you still want some Hollywood-caliber entertainment, give streaming a chance so you can watch responsibly.

Besides, Marvel’s got a MUCH better track record than M. Night Shyamalan, even with twists.

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…that being said, even Nick Fury can’t make 5G a thing. Nor can a deep cut from Deep Blue Sea save this commercial.

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And finally, our Super Bowl ad of the year. I’ll let Alexa speak for themself.