December can be the most wonderful or most blunderful time of the year.
With the kids jingle-belling, you might get to yelling and need a strong beer.
So instead of just spouting opinions at you again, we’ve decided to be useful for a change. I know, it’s a Christmas miracle.
Today, we’ll advise you which tricks of the trade worked out and which were just us outsmarting ourselves and we sort out advice to survive the holidays.
|
|
 |
 |
1. Take lots of overtime
Lots of industries make a huge chunk of money during the holidays season. If you’re in retail or logistics/shipping*, this is the time of year to feast on overtime — even more so, if you’ve taken up a seasonal job in one of these industries. However, too much overtime can be too much of a good thing. In addition to fatigue, increased stress and susceptibility to illness, overtime has another dark side: The unwelcome moment when you discover all the hours you’ve clocked at work have pushed you into a higher tax bracket and half the gains you made are wiped out. My advice? Play it smart and take a little bit of overtime, if possible. An hour or two per week will net you a decent amount of money without having to pay higher taxes.
*Full disclosure: I work for UPS
2. Wait ‘till the last minute to shop
We’re all guilty of it, but waiting to the last minute to do your Christmas shopping is a really bad idea. The temptation to do so this year may be high because Christmas falls on a Sunday. Consider a few things before you head out to do your shopping all in one fell swoop: Malls and shopping centers will be extremely crowded. Unless retailers have been restocking like crazy, you may not find the gift you want. Shipping companies aren’t miracle workers and there are cut-off dates to make that December 24th deadline. On the upside, if you’ve waited until the very last minute, deeper discounts might be your friend.
3. Bring crappy gifts to holiday parties
This time of year holiday parties are all the rage. You may even go to a party where gifts are exchanged. The exchange may be outright forward or may consist of a fun game where the gifts are anonymous. Don’t be that guy or gal who brings a crappy gift to an exchange in the hopes of getting something much nicer than what you offered. Bad or crappy gifts include a box full of part supplies, waffles, strange board games, actions figures NO ONE wants (like a Crazy Cat Lady figure — seriously this is real), and re-gifting your bad gift from last year.
|
1. Pick up extra hours at work
If you’re employed in an industry where you can expect extra hours at work, take advantage of them. If you work part-time, shoot for full-time hours or even a little bit of overtime. The extra money will not only help you buy all of the gifts you want, but you may even have enough left over to treat yourself, to donate to causes you care about (some donations may even be tax deductible), or to save some money for future needs. Unless you’re in an industry where work actually picks up after the holidays, it’s always nice to shield yourself from unusually light hours in January.
2. Be strategic with your shopping
So you’re going to be good this year and NOT wait until the last minute to do your shopping. If you were smart you may have started shopping or planning before Black Friday. You know exactly what to buy for your friends and family, now you just need a plan of action. One of the easiest ways to get around not knowing who to shop for is to consider gift cards. These cards are one way to ensure the recipient gets exactly what he or she wants, and is actually a win-win. That person can use the money to the perfect gift for themselves and they don’t waste time returning it to the store. Seriously, economists recommend it.
3. Rest, rest, rest
My absolute best advice to you during this time of year is, well, to get enough sleep. When you’re running around trying to work extra hours, attend parties or go shopping, it becomes extremely easy to tire yourself out. The key to enjoying the holiday season is to take it one day at a time, enjoy what you love and soak in the festivities of the holidays. I’ve been burned out on the holidays before and noticed I’ve enjoyed them the most when I actually take moments to rest. Don’t become a bitter and overworked person like me, enjoy this time of year!
|
|
|
|
|
1. It Won’t be the Same This Year
This is especially dangerous this year. Nobody should look back on 2016. Do not take stock of your life, do not try to tally your life accomplishments, do not even fool yourself into thinking your steps forward equal more than half of your steps back. You will be much less morose to just keep looking forward at what can only be better things.
2. Mary, did you Know?
Also from the especially bad this year department is cordially entertaining the ravings of that one uncle who will tell you exactly what temperature jet fuel ignites at. While you’re supposed to show goodwill and compassion and all that rot on this holiday, that does not apply to any family member you don’t want it to. Once you give them the time of day, there’ll be no Silent Night. You can’t save Christmas, but you can save yourself.
3. Santa Looked a lot Like Daddy
Which might explain why Mommy was kissing him? In any case, if you want to surprise and dazzle your kids by having Santa peek in the window, show a bit more subterfuge. Do it while Daddy is home by having him trade favors with a neighbor, friend, coworker or relative to give some plausible deniability. That way, the more cynical kids at school won’t make the obvious point that it must have been your kid’s dad in a costume. Think of it as a more family friendly version of Strangers on a Train.
4. Ding Dong Merrily on High
Despite its positive reception in popular culture, joining the Mile High Club is a logistical nightmare given the average airplane bathroom size of a cubic meter and should only be attempted by contortionists.
If you thought that was bad, my first idea used the song title “Back Door Santa.”
|
1. Every Year, Every Christmas
In the event you DID take stock of the mass quantities of nothing you accomplished this year, than take a page out of Red Green’s book: “Sit down and watch a lot of a Christmas specials on television and don’t think at all. The same ones you watched last year and the year before, and bask in the warm glow of knowing that Charlie Brown and Frosty the Snowman and the Grinch who stole Christmas didn’t do anything new, either.”
2. Deck the Halls
Do not underestimate the positive effect of decorations. And with such a crummy year in the books, we definitely need a little Christmas. Roll out every nutcracker, candle and wreath you can get your hands on. Dangle red and green construction paper chains from every doorway. Fire up Hulu or Netflix on a continuous loop of that log-burning video, and then place it over an active fireplace. Line every wall with strands of Christmas lights. Plug in so many talking Hallmark ornaments into your tree that when you turn it on and they all talk at once, it sounds like the kind of satanic messages you’re supposed to hear playing Ozzy records backwards. The more over the top you go, the better you feel when you come home after a hard day; it’s just impossible to not be infected with good cheer by some top-notch decorating.
3. Christmas Don’t be Late
The weather outside is frightful. Between lake-effect blizzards and bizarre acts of freezing rain when it’s still 45 degrees, your regularly scheduled travel is going to be anything but. Always allow extra time not just for yourself, but for every other driver on the road.
4. There is no Rose
Do not try to bend the rose. That’s impossible. Instead, only try to realize the truth. Then you will see it is not the rose that bends, it is only yourself.
|
I have to work some overtime the week prior to Christmas, but only because somebody every year has the nerve to be THAT asshat who schedules a vacation to avoid working altogether. Everyone in the department has to, and it’s solely because of THAT asshat. Don’t ever be THAT asshat. As for shopping, Hell, I bought… *counts on fingers* roughly $500+ on gifts for co-workers/friends and made sure to do all of the shopping prior to Black Friday. You can order something and have it delivered in roughly a week around that time, but after Black Friday, it takes two and a half to three weeks at best. At worst? Well, I once ordered something two weeks prior to Christmas, and it didn’t arrive until mid-February. Friend joked that I had actually bought him a Valentine’s Day present to express my love. That was years ago, and he reminds me of it every fuckin’ year. Twice this year, in fact.
I hate working in a grocery store during the holidays. Makes me wish I did something significantly easier, like work at a UPS.
Working at UPS may be easier, mentally. Physically, not so much. For me, I don’t make the bulk of my money until a week or two before Christmas, which makes shopping difficult. This year isn’t too bad, but I would love to have what I want for family and friends wrapped up before Black Friday.
And don’t worry, I’m not that asshat who takes a vacation to avoid working the holidays. Those vacations are blocked out and for me, it’s a great chance to make extra money. Right now we’re just dead in the water (which gives me more time to do better work for my day job and return to DC), with the exception of moving our starting time up by an hour. More money, I guess.