Naughty and Nice ’11 #1: Adult-friendly movies

1. Any direct-to-video Disney movie: Do you like substandard animation with missing frames? Do you find the average fairy-tale story is too nuanced and overly-complex? Do you wonder where songs not up to snuff for theatrical movies go? Do you wish Disney would stop casting known actors to do voice work? Then these heaping piles of dreck are for you.

2. Sequels to Don Bluth films: See above.

3. Spy Kids series:…Though you could turn this into an opportunity to show Machete to grade schoolers by convincing their parents it’s a spin-off.

1. How to Train Your Dragon: While scottish vikings might seem a tad odd, I love them anyway. This is yet another coming-of-age/nobody-understands-me-but-I’m-right story. However, it manages to be a genuinely interesting flick because of its very good habit of setting up tropes and then averting them. Nobody in this movie is so stubborn they refuse to learn their lessons when brought face to face with it, and that gives these characters real heart.

2. Up: Pixar dares to make the movies that Disney won’t anymore. They dare to make you feel. Up is a prime example of this difference. While the kids will be overjoyed by the talking dog and crazy balloon antics, you will be reduced to tears in the first 10 minutes of the film while you watch the entire life of a man and feel his greatest heights and deepest lows.

3. The Iron Giant: Perhaps I have a bias for this Maine-set movie. But it’s still an imaginative story with interesting, developed characters that feel like people you already know. While it follows the “boy and his blob” plot archetype (in this case, a boy and his giant alien mechanoid), it’s done with endearing charm. Parallel to this for us older folks is a historical tale of Cold War-era paranoia. You were old enough to remember the Cold War, right?

1. The Smurfs: Live-action adaptations of beloved comic books or animated series by Hollywood is nothing new. Hell, studios do it all of the time (Disney being one of the better examples) and the results vary wildly. Recently, many beloved franchises have received awful adaptations by studios scraping the bottom of the barrel in terms of quality. Sony Pictures Columbia’s live-action version of The Smurfs (in 3D, no less!) unfortunately seems to be another cash grab. Both critics and fans agree there isn’t much enjoyment to be found for adults here. This movie transports six of the Smurfs from Belgium to modern day New York City. The premise is weird, the humor is forced and this adaptation is a disservice to anyone with fond memories of the cartoon. The kids might enjoy The Smurfs but you may need to lower your standards quite a bit to derive some entertainment from this movie.

2. Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon: The first two of Michael Bay’s live-action Transformers adaptations received a mixed response from critics and fans. Everyone agreed the first Transformers was overall a decent movie while the sequel was mostly terrible. Transformers: Dark of the Moon trends on the negative side with critics, but the film’s fans mostly enjoy it. The third time may or may not be the charm depending on how easily you’re able to overlook a movie’s flaws. The kids will love the big-budget action scenes in 3D but the plot may leave something to be desired among many adults. If you don’t mind movies that are light on comprehensive plot and heavy on explosions, destruction on an epic scale and big fight scenes Transformers: Dark of the Moon might be worth sitting through with the young ones.

1. The Lion King 3D: Disney’s The Lion King is among the greatest animated films of all time. This Hamlet-esque tale about Prince Simba is so well known that you’d have to be under the age of ten not to be familiar with it &emdash; making it the perfect adult-friendly movie to watch with younger relatives. Kids will mainly find themselves interested in the animals, but there’s a lot for adults to enjoy. A briskly moving plot, clever humor, great action scenes and an all-star Hollywood voice cast all make this movie highly entertaining. Disney’s painstaking transfer to an HD format makes this 17-year-old classic look as if it were animated yesterday. Coming of age stories are as old as dirt, but The Lion King is a timeless classic that hits an extremely satisfying sweet spot.

2. Rango: Rango is Industrial Light and Magic’s very first feature-length animated film. This animated tribute to the Spaghetti Western is actually an adult movie masquerading as a children’s film. This last point is amusingly apt because Rango is a wandering chameleon who accidently becomes the sheriff of a dusty desert town named Dirt. This accidental sheriff lies about his past and is put to the test when a series of problems arise. Rango stars the voice talents of Johnny Depp and a few other Hollywood actors. There are plenty of jokes and shout-outs to fans of old Spaghetti Westerns among other things. The kids won’t completely understand every joke until they’re older, but you will find plenty to enjoy here.

1. Tom and Jerry the Movie : Not only does this movie betray loyalists by portraying the classic cat and mouse duo as a pair of cooperative, long-term friends who can speak with each other, but shoehorning in shallow human characters further alienates those familiar with the antics portrayed in the cartoons. Adding in a sleazy lawyer and issues of inheritance and childcare seem out-of-place for a child’s movie, and could seriously dampen the mood for the holiday season. On a different note, perhaps Ferdinand the obese dog (whose gut requires him to use a skateboard when moving around) is a reminder to not pig out.

2. Tales of Earthsea : There are many Miyazaki movies that will be a surefire hit with most individuals, even if they aren’t anime fans. Even if a maovie happens to select a flawed or second-tier choice, they often still have enough redeeming qualities to outweigh the negatives. However, Tales of Earthsea is best left on the shelf. While the nice animation and scenery may draw audiences in for a few minutes, the movie will eventually be a continuation of the boredom one sought to relieve by watching the movie. The plot slowly meanders its way from point to point, and the apathetic characters converse with each other about as well as the family communicates with an unwanted stepchild.

3. Cars 2 : Toy Story 2 showed that sequels can be made as good if not better than the movie it was based on. Disney, however, dropped the ball with Cars 2, resulting in a story which was confused over its main focus. On one hand, the movie sought to focus on the celebrity status of Lightning Mcqueen as he participates in a series of races around the world. On the other hand, the movie sought to focus on a side story involving Mader the tow truck, using a James Bond-style storyline to play off his airheadedness. Plot development is predictable and uncreative, and producers just focused on adding more characters to up the car count, which did nothing to help flesh out the characters.

4. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban : It is nearly inevitable that a film adaptation of a book will result in events being cut out, but the number of events cut out from one of the better, if not the best, books in the Potter franchise greatly exceed that of its two predecessors. To add insult to injury, many events are also rearranged to the producer’s content in order to have the movie flow better, resulting in a plot that feels like its producer was hyperventilating and suffering from a panic attack. Perhaps this will be adequate for those who decide to get their Harry Potter fix through the movies, but it will portray a distorted, incomplete version of the book rather than a slightly-rough, rather-accurate portrayal of the book as in the other movies. With seven other movies to choose to choose from, your time should be best spent on one of the other Potter movies.

5. 102 Dalmatians : Like most Disney sequels, this live-action movie takes the conclusion of the last movie and flips a U-turn to create in essence an unnecessary storyline to generate cash flow. The only recurring characters are Cruella Deville and Alonzo, with the new characters making little, if any, impression on the viewer. The plotline is a haphazard route of connect-the-dots, with next to no linearity and nonexistent depth. The moments intended to be humorous come off as more of a series of failed jokes, and the heartwarming moments one occasionally got from the old 101 Dalmatians live action have just withered away. In fact, it would be a better use of one’s time to try the animated sequel 101 Dalmatians Patch’s London Adventure. Despite animation quality more suited to a cheap cartoon series and diluted secondary characters, at least the music was pleasant.

1. Tokyo Godfathers: What better way to spend time with the family during the holidays than watching a movie with a strong theme of family and love? This tale of three homeless individuals caring for an abandoned child found in a heap of trash is sure to warm everyone’s heart with a heavy emphasis on emotion, love and forgiveness. This is a film meant to give one the strength to pick yourself up from the gutter and move forward from the obstacles and regrets one has accumulated during the year and to “start anew.” Perfect timing, considering that the new year is just around the corner.

2. Summer Wars: Meeting the family members of your friend for the first time is never an easy task, especially when you are introduced as said friend’s fiancee. This start serves as a perfect gateway to break the ice into the film, and tries to lighten the task of socializing with those family members whom you only see on occasion and would choose to avoid conversations with. Summer Wars skillfully combines themes of the intertwining of technology, ethics and teamwork together with the platform of OZ, the film’s version of an MMO or VR world. Battles both inside of and outside of OZ are tense and full of purpose, and the twists and turns inserted into the plot serve their purpose well.

3. Spirited Away : Perhaps the most family-friendly of all Miyazaki films, Spirited Away should be on the top of one’s movie list to show to others who haven’t seen it. The visuals are absolutely astounding, the story is heartwarming and endearing, and the characters are all properly defined and each serves an excellent role. The fact that it is accessible to all age groups rather than swing the needle too close to younger audiences like Ponyo or be a bit too violent and more difficult to discern for the youngest viewers like Princess Mononoke earns it a place on this list.

4. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Pt. 1 and Pt. 2: Depending on how much time one has to burn, this pair of films targets both audiences who only watch the Potter films and those who read the books and watch the film. They both do an impeccable job of appealing to both crowds compared with the other 6 films. Both films are directed well, resulting in pieces of work which remain accurate to the book yet flow seamlessly in the movie with perfect transitions. The actors have all matured like high-end wine when portraying their characters. Plus, the special effects, especially the final battle in the second film, are an absolute thrill to behold. It is the perfect end to a successful series.

5. Ratatouille : Another heartwarming story of fulfilling one’s dreams and earning the respect and recognition that one deserves. This Pixar entry throws in many small themes such as hard work paying off in the end, and that one can do anything if he or she puts in time and effort. Humor is mixed into the story in a precise fashion like good seasoning, and each character contributes something unique and positive to the movie, like fresh ingredients. This movie utilizes an excellent recipe cooked by a skillful chef and must be enjoyed.